The Mom's Club

There is a South Boston Mom's Club.  And I am a card carrying member.  I'm kidding, there aren't cards.  Calm down.  The Southie Mom's Club is awesome.  It's a loose network of moms, both working and stay-at-home, who have an online community forum where we can communicate with one another about all the "mom" issues that face us on a daily basis.  A smattering of mommy topics, if you will.  You know things like, baby constipation, story time hours at the library, where to get the best deal on a stackable washer and dryer, the great debate over Ferberizing vs. Attachment Parenting, a recommendation and referral source for everything from a great plumber to a great OBGYN.  Some would say they go hand in hand.....The point is, being new to the community and a new mom to boot -- it was an absolute lifesaver to be able to meet people in my new neighborhood who were also just starting families of their own, a place where I could connect with other mothers who could offer advice or just be a sounding board during what we all know is a super isolating first year.

I didn't join right away after having my daughter because it was such a crazy time for me -- but once I got settled and into the swing of things with her -- I joined.  What I liked about it was how flexible it was to be a part of -- especially because it was online --  you could opt into things when you felt like it and you could opt out without any pressure to feel like you had to be apart of everything.  Bunch of moms meeting at the park?  Ok, maybe I can shower up for that and try to make some small talk and meet a few people.  Mom's Night Out with an open invitation to meet moms at a local bar for a few drinks?  Ummm, yes, please -- I thought you'd never ask.  It's kind of like online dating.  And who are we kidding, that's about as close to dating as we're ever going to get again in our lives -- so we might as well put on a pair of our best maternity jeans and go out on a few blind dates with each other at this point.  Am I right, ladies?

So, just before my daughter turned one that what's I did.  I tried to pull myself together as best I could -- freshened up with a little deodorant, might have even combed my hair before throwing it back into a ponytail, kick started the ol' stroller and headed off to the park to meet some chicks.  Always awkward at first -- not going to lie.  But after everything I've been through at this point?  What the hell do I have to lose.  And my kids are getting a little sick of my stand-up routine at home anyway (mostly because they don't understand what I'm saying not because my jokes are crap -- at least that's what I tell myself :) so it's probably a good idea if I sharpen up my communication skills with actual adults every once in a while.  Not to mention, dad's suck at socializing and meeting new people.  So, especially after kids, when your social life shrinks to the size of postage stamp, it's really up to the moms to meet other moms, who have husbands, who might like your husband and so on.  You're like a sales rep for your family.  You're not just looking for a one-night-stand with another new mom for yourself -- you're looking for a bromance for your husband too.

One of the super cool things the Mom's Club does is set up playgroups for moms who have kids of a similar in age.  That way, if the one-on-one blind date isn't your style -- now you can try a blind date in a group setting.  Anyone getting social anxiety just reading this?  Obviously, this is not for everyone.  But it's rare that I don't try something at least once.

Here's how it works: some super-together-head-mom-chick is the playgroup coordinator for all of South Boston, who clearly was born with extraordinary supermom powers because she has somehow managed to oversee a database of our names and kid's ages (how the hell this person has time to figure all of this out -- I have no idea -- but major kudos to her and her multi-tasking supermom abilities).  She sends out an email to a small group of maybe five or six moms -- introducing a few of us with the same age kids to each other and then we agree to a schedule of rotating hosting duties at each other's homes once a week.  The point is the kids get to play, we get to chat and only one house gets destroyed at a time.  You can get super isolated as a stay-at-home mom in this day and age....times have changed!  Unfortunately this stuff doesn't happen organically the way it used to -- now, you have to organize it yourself.  We just don't live in a world anymore (especially in the city) where you can open your front door and the neighborhood kids play with each other in the street while the moms smoke cigarettes and drink martini's like on Mad Men.  God, I wish I was a mother back then.....

So I signed myself up to be in a playgroup a got myself a-socializin'.  It's kind of an awesome social experiment.  It's completely random how these little playgroups are set up -- I mean, the only thing we really know we have in common is the fact that we have a ten month old baby -- or whatever the age is when you start up -- and that's not saying much given how different every ten month old is let alone the parenting style or personality of every mother of a ten month old.  It's a pretty ballsy concept.  But the extreme way in which your life changes after kids?  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Now, don't get me wrong -- like any group of human beings -- you're not going to get along with everyone.  And because Southie is fast becoming one of those places where many families start out before heading out to the burbs -- you get a good cross section of families and everyone has different backgrounds, beliefs, and goals.  But that just keeps the social experiment that is the Mom's Club interesting, no?  And yes, the situation with my daughter initially made it difficult for me to strike up casual conversation at the park about seemingly meaningless topics when I had what felt like more pressing issues on my mind.  I mean, I didn't want to burst some of these ladies bubbles, but finding the most stimulating mobile on the market wasn't exactly at the top of my to do list.  But my road was different.  And honestly, talking to some of these crazy birds up at the park helped me understand just that.  I wouldn't wish my road on anyone.  Even an annoying mom at the park.  By forcing myself back into normal society -- I came to terms with what had just transpired during my pregnancy and over the first year of my daughter's life.  Slowly but surely (and it took a couple of years, believe me) I started to feel just a wee bit more comfortable with my new normal and the fact that what happened in our lives with our first born (thankfully for most people) is abnormal.  And now when I get caught in an awkward exchange with a mom who doesn't "get it" -- I don't really care anymore.  I'm honestly happy for her.  I'm glad that her biggest worry involves matching the pottery barn kids color scheme with her drapes and finding the most thought provoking mobile for her newborn.  Seriously, that's the way it should be.

But man-o-man did I end up hitting the jackpot with my playgroup.  I mean there just have to be playgroups out there where the moms don't mesh well and that has to be some awkward stuff.  You have all these broads in your house with their crazy kids knocking all your shit over, stuffing goldfish in every crevice of your couch, all-the-while you're internally putting massive amounts of pressure on yourself that the other moms most definitely live in a way nicer house and they are just trying to be polite, smiling, nodding, drinking your coffee, but you are so fucking positive that they're thinking to themselves -- jesus, these people live like this?  It's like being in seventh grade again -- and we all know how much fun that was.  Not.

But thankfully, everyone in my playgroup is awesome.  And after a few awkward ice-breaker-type get togethers at the beginning, people got more comfortable with one another and surprisingly -- even though we were randomly assigned to one another -- we all get along and we've been meeting once a week at each other's houses for over a year.  We bitch, chat, laugh, advise, and listen -- we make meals for each other when someone has a baby or needs a little backup -- all the things you really need from a community of women who have just started the mind-bending journey of becoming mothers.  So, it's cool.

The Mom's Club is one of those things that I never even knew existed before kids and quite honestly I think it's an amazing resource for mom's like me in the city.  Or moms anywhere for that matter.  It's also the closest thing to being a part of something "domestic" as I'm probably ever going to get.  I mean, I try to deliver meals to other new moms, just like people have done for me -- but I still have a ways to go before I'm one of the head-chick-supermom-playgroup-coordinator-types.  For example, I delivered an entire meal of homemade enchiladas to a mom in my playgroup who just had a baby today.  Wicked nice of me, right?  And impressive that I have two young kids and found the time to actually cooked something from scratch -- I know, it's amazing.  Well...don't get too excited because I delivered it to the wrong address.  Yup.  Left a pile of enchiladas on someone ELSE's front step for two hours (of course it was an unseasonably warm November day and I had included sour cream :) until the new mom called me to say she hadn't seen the food I said I had delivered and then had to send her husband out to search for the food that I left somewhere on her block.  Clearly I have to polish-up my mom's club skills.  Baby steps.

He found them by the way.  Lucky for them, the random people whose house I left them at never found them either.