Husband Tour

Not everything I do is kid related.

I just wanted to write that sentence down and then re-read it to myself 100 times over to see if it held any truth.

Kinda feels like I'm lying but I'm hell bent on proving to myself that it's actually true.  Sure I haven't worked since February 28, 2010 (but who's counting?), haven't gone clothes shopping since I had to buy maternity clothes in the fall of 2009 (been wearing 'em ever since), haven't been on a proper vacation (unless you count Dublin this summer which was fabulous even though the circumstances were a little rough for the girlfriend I was visiting and the trip was baby related of course -- can't even go overseas to get away from kid crap), last visit to get my hair done was a solo trip to our bathroom with a box of Nutrisse while the kids were napping, and I'm not even going to try and name a recent romantic dinner (who am I kidding, moment) with my husband.  But damn it, not everything I do has to do with changing dirty diapers, potty training, or consoling a teething one year old.

Still doesn't sound convincing.  Even to me, and I wrote the freakin words myself.

No wait, I've got it.  I can prove my life is not one massive wiggles show.  One of the best things I have going for myself is the Husband Tour.  The Husband Tour actually started BEFORE kids.  There was a time before kids, you ask?  I know, I know...it's a shady, unclear, sort of fuzzy recollection of a time when food was eaten warm right after it had been cooked and involved things like walking by yourself down the street to catch the T to work...this fairy tale did exist and I did live in this far away land of make believe at one point in my life.

The Husband Tour started during a time in my marriage when I began to pine away for all the live shows I used to go to before we met.  Not that my husband and I don't enjoy going to concerts together -- we do.  But we have to find a compromise (like all things in marriage) of shows we both want to see.  This leaves us with a list of bands that while fun and enjoyable -- don't really get me the personal fix I'm looking for when it comes to seeing live music.

I. Love. Music.  Always have.  Trained as a classical clarinetist in my youth at the New England Conservatory while wearing kabuki make-up, stripped nylons, and doc martens -- well, let's just say, I have just a touch more of an eclectic taste for music than my husband.  This has not been easy on him.

There have been numerous times throughout our twelve years together where the music I'm playing around the house has literally made him want to start antidepressants.  And this is a guy who believes if-you-just-keep-pulling-yourself-up-by-those-bootstraps-goddamn-it-you-can-get-through-anything-in-life.  He's a mind over matter kinda guy.  Which I love and respect but is completely not how I roll.  I have more "mind" than I know what to do with which kinda screws up dealing with "matter" sometimes.  What I mean by "mind" is emotion.  I have more emotions than I know what to do with :)

I run on an emotional vibration that probably does more harm than it does good -- but it's just the way I'm wired.  And music has always been my outlet for focusing all the feelings I have into something else.  Better to either play music (which I haven't done in a ridiculously long time and should consider doing again in my life) listen to music, or go see live music as a way to blow off some steam, let your hair down, kinda lose yourself type of activity than keep all those emotions pent up inside.  Live shows, in my opinion, are the best therapy.  Love 'em.

The issue was, some of the live music I wanted to see wasn't exactly up my husband's alley.  So about five years ago, I started going to shows alone.  Insert concerned readers: Awe, that's so sad...don't you have any girlfriends, work colleagues, anyone that would be wiling to go with you?  That's actually kind of depressing, Molly...who goes to shows alone?  Table for one, please?

It wasn't depressing.  It was fucking awesome.  I was working back then and I would spend a few hundred bucks a year going to shows by-my-self that I knew my husband wouldn't go with me to see even if I paid him as an escort.  Come to find, buying a single ticket means 90% of the time you're going to be in the front row.  You're always going to be that random last ticket that wasn't purchased by a group of 3, 5 or 7.  It's actually kinda the best way to go see a show especially if you REALLY like the artist.  You just have to get over the being by yourself part and sitting with other people who are out ripping it up together and who always at some point during the night while you're all rocking out together are like, "Is this chick part of our group?  I don't remember her sitting with us at dinner...."

Disclaimer #1: if you go the solo route you have to be careful how much alcohol you consume.  Not having a partner-in-crime with you -- you realize you can drink just about as much as you'd like because....literally....who the hell's gonna know?  Well of course, your husband when you get home and are WAY to happy to see him....

Disclaimer #2: buying a single ticket really is the way to go....I could literally see the hair growing on PJ Harvey's legs I was so f'ing close to the stage but in saying that, I think I also witnessed the conception of a teenage pregnancy at a Death Cab concert because the young couple I was sitting next to were almost lying across me making a baby -- it was as close to a threesome as I've ever come and I didn't even know their names -- let me just put it that way.

I guess you can kinda see where this is going -- one too many awesome nights out seeing PJ Harvey, Ani DiFranco, Fiona Apple, and Lady Sovereign and the 'ol husband had to intervene and say, "Listen, you really should go with someone.  Anyone, Moll -- just so I know you're ok and able to get home."  Guess when you grow up you have to be responsible.  Another nail hammered into the coffin of our youth.  But being my better half he was right (and between you and me, I was having a little more fun than was probably necessary).

So, the Husband Tour was born.  If my husband wasn't going to go than I was going to find husbands that would.  My girlfriends knew I loved going to these shows so when I told them the kinds of shows I wanted to go to -- they started offering up their husbands.  "Oh, Molly take my husband.  He never gets out -- he loves those guys, I have no desire to go with him and you'd have such a good time -- take him with you!"  So, I did.

Six husbands and nine concerts later the husband tour has been going strong for about three years.  I'm thinking of getting a concert T-shirt put together for all my guys that has a list of their names on the back with all the bands, venues, and concert dates we've been to.  Jane's Addiction, Fleet Foxes, Broken Bells, Primus, Shins, Neon Trees, Girl Talk and even a couple of Dave Mathews thrown in there and the Husband Tour is alive and kicking to this day.  It's awesome.  I need the release of going to these shows, my husband doesn't feel bad turning me down if I have someone to go with, I get to hang out/rock out with some of my best friend's husband's who are clearly also my good friends, and we're all pretty skilled at having a hell of a good time.  So it works.

So, no -- I guess not everything I do revolves around wipes, poop, and drool.  Even though some of that happens on the Husband Tour from time-to-time.  If you are a stay-at-home mom out there and need an outlet -- I highly recommend starting a Husband Tour in your own neck of the woods. Unless of course, you and your significant other are fine just going together.  I guess that's what most normal people would do.

But this is so much more interesting and slightly complicated, no?